@sxsw: Do You Blog on the First Date?

I am fiending for Samhita's discussion of this panel as this, Rachel Kramer Bussel's wonderful participation notwithstanding, was both the worst and most enjoyable panel experience I had as an audience member at SXSW.

The scene: Room 10AB on the third floor of the convention center, 5 women (all white), all claiming to be bloggers (I think I'd only put RKB in that category), all paid sex columnists (again, RKB's experience puts her on a different playing field), all not very connected to this wired/interactive world and me sitting next to a fuming poorly compensated brown feminist whose head nearly exploded with each panelist comment. About halfway through the panel, I couldn't even look at Sam. I would just put my hand out and whisper, "Be easy" and try my best to stifle my guffaws and chortles.

Now let me preface this by saying that I have no quarrel with the concept. There is a long history of sex being an important part of SXSW. My first year here, I spent a good amount of time at parties with Halcyon and Tassy. The Sex and Computational Technology panel the day before was one of the most academic experiences I've ever had. I also see value in hearing from bloggers who are paid for their craft and am quite curious about how relationship dynamics get played out when you throw our online identities into the mix. In fact, I've been thinking a lot about that as a couple I know has been dealing quite publicly with a tough time in their relationship. I've also seen blog nerds here talk about how they met online via blogs and are married now or in a committed relationship.

Hell, I'm pretty sure MJ and Jason's wedding will be liveblogged or twittered.

The problem here is that this was a nuts and bolts conversation about how traditional media sex writers are navigating their traditional media forays into the digital space. RKB snuck in an anecdote or two about same sex relationships but this was an entirely white hetero, traditional relationship kind of situation with people not talking very much about "interactive" issues. There was the bold and inaccurate statement that men aren't blogging about dating and sex (and when did those two words become synonymous?) which completely ignores gay bloggers (I can name 5 gay bloggers [of color] off the top of my head who have very publicly talked life and love...in fact, with sexuality as a key identity factor for them in their online spaces, those topics are maybe the crux of their blogs), spiritual bloggers (for whom romantic love, sex, etc. are significant factors in their faith based lives and online identities), teens who might have entirely online romantic relationships in spaces like myspace, facebook and livejournal, and on and on.

To put it plainly, I was mortified.

And I didn't even go into the panel looking for that kind of commentary but for it to be so blatantly unacknowledged and innacurately portrayed blew my mind.

I wanted more discussion of relationship dynamics in the online world. I've written occasionally about relationship stuff (both in the courtship and erotic senses) over the years and I know of situations where people have battled online about their love. Is this helpful or harmful? Are there any thoughts about how the online world effects intimacy? Does writing about sex and love online change the power dynamics in a relationship? If you're a better writer than your blog love partner, do you win more arguments, get resented, unfairly have an advantage? Does online writing about sex and relationships allow for more cross-cultural understanding in inter-(pick your term) relationships?

Discussions of editorial battles, statements like "women are bitches" and generalizations about this creature known as man earn you no kudos here. Let's get deeper.

Please.

Before Sam's head explodes.