Blog is a Mix Tape

explorers

nobody@vox.com(Jason) — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 01:01:30 -0700

It was a get the hell outta Dodge type weekend and Anna and I did just that. It was a lovely two days of laughter and full bellies and sand and water and good conversation and reconnection. This used to be such a common thing for she and I. There was a time when a weekend didn't go by without us spending the vast majority of it in a car off to some random location. And so, while the 9th Coachella scorched and delighted the young folks in the desert, we slightly less young folks headed in the opposite direction to Ventura and Santa Barbara looking for adventure.

"Take risks," I'd exclaim to Anna for no good reason and, we did. We took strange off ramps that led to unfamiliar locales like Santa Claus Lane. We ventured closely to a hippie-infused drum circle. We dared walk piers with no rails. Our trusty companion, Curtis the crab, tempted fate in the mouth of a whale. We nervously walked an unfamiliar path where lizards were afoot. We even stood toe to toe with red faced douche bags and lived to tell the tale.

Our greatest feat, however, may have been simply being two people of color in communities of seemingly endless waves of white people.

I say this with tongue firmly in cheek but the last of the internet I saw before we left on our adventure was this twitter by the baddest chick --

Heart-broken: http://tinyurl.com/5egpso

Which led me to the brewing controversy around Seal Press's latest publication, It’s a Jungle Out There: The Feminist Survival Guide to Politically Inhospitable Environments, and the illustrations that hide within. Now, to be clear, I'm not offended by the imagery. As I get older, I find very little truly offends me. It's wrong-headed, sure. It's insensitive, of course. It shows that Seal Press is courting a certain audience -- white feminists -- and really ain't thinking about nobody else? Yup, sure does. But offensive? Nah. Just bad business. I'll take a cue from WOC PHD and just refrain from purchasing anymore of their books until they get their house in order even if that means I won't be able to support in cash money people I know, enjoy, respect, and admire.

I tell you all this to give you insight into where my head was as we made our excursion to seemingly lighter pastures. In Downtown Ventura, we stopped for lunch at a cafe with a wonderful view of Main Street. Anna and I quickly noticed that the few brown people we did see were working as wait staff and not out enjoying the gorgeous day with the rest of the community. We went nearly 20 minutes watching dozens of people walk in front of us. Pigmentation was low. It became a game. I saw a gentleman darker than me across the street and pointed him out excitedly. And at that moment, as if we were on The Truman Show and Christof had yelled, "cue the coloreds," an Asian woman and a Latino couple crossed paths in front of us at the same time.

We cracked up.

As we walked through downtown after lunch and then made our way up to Santa Barbara, we began to notice how few people "who looked like us" we saw. It was as if we were explorers in a strange land. The primarily white drum circle became a local ritual of the natives that we didn't quite understand. The beach and ocean became the exotic "nexus of nature" where these "savages" must come to lay blessings to their gods. Obviously, a primitive sand sculpture was some kind of totem showcasing the complexities of their archaic mythologies. We remarked on how stoners greeted each other in the street (they introduce themselves at the end of the conversation instead of the beginning and smell of odd oils. Anna claims it is called "patchouli" but that is such a ridiculous word that I believe she is pulling my leg.)

We even saw a Douche Bag (a particularly interesting tribe) get caught in the middle of the street with oncoming traffic in both directions.

Such an amazing sight it was!

On our way home, we discussed turning our adventure as explorers in the strange wilderness of the white man into a video or film, wondering if anyone would get the joke and the social commentary therein.

If they work for Seal Press, probably not.

Current music: Yerba Buena – Colonial Mentality

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@elsewhere: RKB isn't mad at me!

nobody@vox.com(Jason) — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 22:42:58 -0700

And I welcome more serious, thoughtful feedback of the kind Jason's giving. And guy dating bloggers, I would love to read more of those. I was really interested in the idea behind Girlfriend 07 and I think the idea Cory brought up about guys not having as much free public space to "be guys" (not his words, but mine) is very true. So thank you, Jason, for coming to the panel and I hope provoking some discussion about the topics discussed there.

- Yes, I play Ms. Pac Man, Lusty Lady, 03.13.07

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@sxsw: Do You Blog on the First Date?

nobody@vox.com(Jason) — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 07:47:54 -0700

I am fiending for Samhita's discussion of this panel as this, Rachel Kramer Bussel's wonderful participation notwithstanding, was both the worst and most enjoyable panel experience I had as an audience member at SXSW.

The scene: Room 10AB on the third floor of the convention center, 5 women (all white), all claiming to be bloggers (I think I'd only put RKB in that category), all paid sex columnists (again, RKB's experience puts her on a different playing field), all not very connected to this wired/interactive world and me sitting next to a fuming poorly compensated brown feminist whose head nearly exploded with each panelist comment. About halfway through the panel, I couldn't even look at Sam. I would just put my hand out and whisper, "Be easy" and try my best to stifle my guffaws and chortles.

Now let me preface this by saying that I have no quarrel with the concept. There is a long history of sex being an important part of SXSW. My first year here, I spent a good amount of time at parties with Halcyon and Tassy. The Sex and Computational Technology panel the day before was one of the most academic experiences I've ever had. I also see value in hearing from bloggers who are paid for their craft and am quite curious about how relationship dynamics get played out when you throw our online identities into the mix. In fact, I've been thinking a lot about that as a couple I know has been dealing quite publicly with a tough time in their relationship. I've also seen blog nerds here talk about how they met online via blogs and are married now or in a committed relationship.

Hell, I'm pretty sure MJ and Jason's wedding will be liveblogged or twittered.

The problem here is that this was a nuts and bolts conversation about how traditional media sex writers are navigating their traditional media forays into the digital space. RKB snuck in an anecdote or two about same sex relationships but this was an entirely white hetero, traditional relationship kind of situation with people not talking very much about "interactive" issues. There was the bold and inaccurate statement that men aren't blogging about dating and sex (and when did those two words become synonymous?) which completely ignores gay bloggers (I can name 5 gay bloggers [of color] off the top of my head who have very publicly talked life and love...in fact, with sexuality as a key identity factor for them in their online spaces, those topics are maybe the crux of their blogs), spiritual bloggers (for whom romantic love, sex, etc. are significant factors in their faith based lives and online identities), teens who might have entirely online romantic relationships in spaces like myspace, facebook and livejournal, and on and on.

To put it plainly, I was mortified.

And I didn't even go into the panel looking for that kind of commentary but for it to be so blatantly unacknowledged and innacurately portrayed blew my mind.

I wanted more discussion of relationship dynamics in the online world. I've written occasionally about relationship stuff (both in the courtship and erotic senses) over the years and I know of situations where people have battled online about their love. Is this helpful or harmful? Are there any thoughts about how the online world effects intimacy? Does writing about sex and love online change the power dynamics in a relationship? If you're a better writer than your blog love partner, do you win more arguments, get resented, unfairly have an advantage? Does online writing about sex and relationships allow for more cross-cultural understanding in inter-(pick your term) relationships?

Discussions of editorial battles, statements like "women are bitches" and generalizations about this creature known as man earn you no kudos here. Let's get deeper.

Please.

Before Sam's head explodes.

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